Here Comes The Judge

Posted by on July 7, 2008 in Marketing, Uncategorized [ 0 Comments ]

It seems as humans, we have a predilection for judging others. Have you noticed yourself as the judge? When someone wears their hair in dreadlocks, you make an assumption about them. When we pass by a homeless person, we make a judgment that they are somehow not worthy. While we feel compassion, we place judgment on them for allowing themselves to reach that point.

We are judges in everything we do. Our children must measure up. Our spouses, our careers, our homes, our neighbors, our friends – all compared to that of others, and always against the measuring up that happens in our mind. Everything is compared and contrasted with everything, compelling us to constantly seek more. Or worse, we stop seeking because we fear we’ll never measure up.

Judging is simply the thought that occurs based upon the story we’ve created as our expectation. After all, all of our expectations were created by our own thoughts. When someone or something doesn’t measure up, it’s often because our expectation was unrealistic. It seems we imagine what something will be, wishing our life away waiting for that something to happen, only to find out when we get there that it is nothing like we expected.

We judge others harshly because we see something in others that we don’t like about ourselves. Our ego leads us to ignore what we see in our own life, because it is painful to do otherwise. It is much easier to transfer that emotion by making a judgment about another.

We measure success in ways that create an insatiable desire for more. Our friends have a boat; we suddenly want a boat. Our children’s friends have the newest gadget; we wait in long lines to get one because we don’t want others to make a judgment about our ability to keep up. We are running in circles to fill spaces with material things. Our homes are full of stuff – stuff we never use – stuff we look upon sadly after years of storage. We wonder how we got to this place of need where we fill the spaces with stuff.

It begins with our judgments. How many times has someone told you a story about someone, and your thought was “If it were me, I’d…” Well, seriously. If it were you, what would you do? How can we possibly know what we would do until we are in the situation ourselves? How can we know the emotions, the thought process, the feelings and actions surrounding a situation that is really no more than someone’s story? How can we judge anything about the person who is wearing shoes in which we haven’t walked?

We make unreasonable judgments about our own life, and our own performance and accomplishments. We set goals, only to feel unworthy when we don’t reach them. It’s not that goal setting is a negative exercise. It’s more that we try to fill the empty spaces with accomplishments, rather than taking a good hard look at what is missing inside of our hearts.

We must begin to look at the value of that space. All of the things that matter are meant to be inside it. We must be careful what we put there.

Coach Charrise

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